Thoughts of a Dejected Walker

Writing

2006-02-03T11:50:00.000+08:00

Title: Writing
(Written 1331 29 Sep 05)

Caroline and I had a conversation last night about writing since it was one of the few things that we actually have in common. We both like to write. But she has the upper hand. Her work has been published before (the latest was an article in PDI’s “Youngblood” which was printed sometime last year), whereas for me, my writing has been relegated to the backseat and stored “for future reference”.

As our conversation progressed, it became apparent that although we both love to write, we are two totally different writers. She approaches writing differently, like those novelists that she admires, focusing all of her energy on a single story. I, on the other hand, write about anything that tickles my fancy, but only in short articles, as my mind wanders from one topic to the next. I still can’t string my articles to make one large article, but she can. In fact, she’s been planning on writing a full-length novel for quite some time now, and she has been investing her money in buying books to improve her writing skills. Me? I’ve started writing one, but I can’t seem to get it going. Hell, I haven’t even finished one chapter yet, with all the revisions that I’ve been doing to it. And now, I’ve been working on several other storylines that I developed some years ago, most of it inspired by stories that I’ve read and movies, tv series and other visual media that I’ve seen.

(Written 1053 19 Oct 2005)

I met Caroline a little bit earlier yesterday evening because I didn’t go to my Japanese class at FSI in DFA. I couldn’t go because I was attending a meeting that finished well beyond 5 pm. As we decided to go to SM North to have our dinner, I started to tell her about the stories that I’ve had playing inside my head. I wasn’t finished telling her my stories when we decided, just after finishing dinner, that we should watch a movie – Dungeons and Dragons. She had a feeling that the movie was going to be a “B” movie, but I was insistent so we watched it.

(Written 1016 24 Oct 2005)

And let me tell you, she not only enjoyed it, but instead, that movie gave her some more ideas on what to write.

Four Brothers

2006-02-03T11:49:00.000+08:00

TITLE: FOUR BROTHERS
(Written: 1123 30 Jan 2006)

A couple of weeks ago, my brother bought a DVD movie entitled “Four Brothers”. This was a movie that I had planned on watching but did not manage to do so for one reason or another. I watched it as soon as I could and happily, the movie did not disappoint.

This movie is the story of four adopted brothers whose mother was killed in a hold-up. Each lived separate lives but they all came back for their mother’s funeral with one thing in mind – to learn who killed their mother and why. The story is about the four brothers’ journey to find the truth and the realities that lay behind them.

Essentially, this is a “revenge” movie, a genre that we Filipinos know so well. But what sets it apart from the usual “revenge” movie is the way that it is told. The drama is not played too much in this movie - just enough to let the audience have a tangible emotional connection to the characters and the dialogue is kept simple, laced with a healthy dose of earthy humor between the characters to make them more interesting and “real”. The story is tight and well edited, and to my mind, there are no “boring” scenes in the movie. Everything is “watchable”.

But what really got me was the music. The director, John Singleton, used late 60s and early 70s “soul” music for the film, which was entirely fitting since the setting for the story is Detroit, the home of Motown. I especially enjoyed the loop that was used as the background music at the menu screen.

Overall, this movie was great, and I am including it to my (so far, very short) list of favorite movies.

Baseball

2006-02-03T11:47:00.000+08:00

Title: Baseball
(Written 1113 27 Oct 2005)

People have often asked me what my favorite sport is and I usually answer them “baseball”. There is no sport that I’d rather play than that. My fascination started when I was in 2nd year high school. One of our PE classes involved us playing softball as our PE for a quarter. The whole class was divided into teams and we had an inter team tournament in our PE class. My team, unfortunately, was the weakest of all. We never managed to win any of our games.

I don’t think that I’m a very powerful hitter. But I pride myself on my defense, which is essentially my catching ability. So when I was in college, I played catcher in our PE softball class. We had an informal match with an all-girls softball team and we beat them. I played catcher in that game. I’ve always played catcher, since no one really likes that position.

We played informal games with our neighbors when I was younger. There were only three of us (I played with my brothers) against six of them (all of them related). We won most of the time, but that was because my younger brother, Francis, pitched really hard. My youngest brother, Bernard, played the field and I played catcher. My older neighbor, Kuya Ram, usually umpired for us. Then there came an “all-star” game. The older kids on the block against us newbies. The game was close but we lost. I remember blocking a slide from one the other team’s players that resulted in him hitting my face with his leg. I nearly blacked out. But being a kid, I just shook off my injury and continued playing.

I bought a baseball a few months ago, and I’ve been looking to buy 2 gloves so I could play catch with whomever was interested – usually my father or one of my brothers. I already found the gloves (cheap ones to be sure) but I still can’t buy them because they are really not important. Instead, I just practice my throwing motion. After a few tries, I don’t think that I’m cut out to be a pitcher because my pitching skills are so bad. I guess I’ll always be a catcher.

Ate Ding

2006-02-03T11:46:00.000+08:00

(written 1010 24 Oct 2005)

There is something to be said about women who have aged gracefully, and let me tell you, this woman has certainly done that. I may never be able to forget her, not just because she is beautiful (and for someone who has passed the half-century mark, she has nonetheless retained some of her youthful features which makes you wonder, if she looks that beautiful now, what more when she was a whole hell of a lot younger?), but because of how she moves. She is easily one of the most graceful women that I’ve met, and that is how she captivated me. I had a crush on her, not just because she was still gorgeous, but also because she seemed to move with ease. To borrow a term, she “glides”. I guess some people are just born graceful.

You know, I’m really having a hard time not to be poetic, but I have no other means to describe how she moves.

When she was still with us at the office, I would often just look at her and see nothing but gracefulness. Of course, her body remains as one of her biggest assets (she has maintained her figure to a very astonishing degree for her age), but there are a lot of women who can boast of maintaining the same and not all of them can move as gracefully as she can.

Sigh. If some women had a tenth of her gracefulness, then the world may be a better place visually...

My "workstation"

2005-11-10T12:33:00.000+08:00

This is my table, where I work in the office. Pictured at the back is my cabinet (the upper one which is opened). The laptop on the table is the broken down laptop that was assigned to me. It is where I make the powerpoint presentations for my boss. My table is one of the smallest ones in the office (I tend to put a lot of stuff on my table, burying it beneath stacks of paper. A bigger table means more space to put more papers and documents. Thus, in order to control it, I usually take the smallest table, just enough for me to work).

My house in Cavite

2005-11-10T12:11:00.000+08:00

The picture on top is a picture of my house in Cavite. It measures roughly 30 square meters, and has a lot area of 72 square meters. I got this through my mother and I’m currently paying for it through Pag-Ibig. I’ve been telling this to all my friends so here is a picture of my house. This was taken during the first weeks of October.

My house is located in Summerville, Barrio Osorio, Trece Martires City, Cavite. It’s about 70 kilometers away from the city (road distance). It’s really in the heart of Cavite (and I do mean in the very center of the province geographically) and I usually joke that my house is located in the middle of nowhere (“sa gitna ng kawalan”) because it is quite far from Manila. But, there have been improvements near this area. There’s already a Robinson’s and SM Mall in nearby Dasmariñas.

This what my house looks like after our last visit (picture below). Pictured here are my father and my sister. He did me a favor and had someone build the fence in front of my house and completed the wall behind it. My mother contracted a resident to watch over my house and he had planted some flowers (which are quite beautiful, really) to make my house look more, er, homey. My father is now contemplating finishing the interior of the house and fixing the floor. He’s also been thinking of some improvements, such as extending the house to make it bigger. We’ve also discussed moving some of our older furniture there, especially the living room set and the dining table from our old house in Bulacan (which my mother had rented out several years ago).

Since my house is quite near to Tagaytay, we often have lunch there after visiting my house. My father will be retiring soon so he’s fixing my house up as some sort of vacation house whenever we want to get away from the city.

What were you like

2005-09-28T13:54:00.000+08:00

Dionne tagged me, so here are my answers.

20 Years Ago (1985)

I was in grade school in Bulacan. I was in Grade I. I remember playing in front of our house with my neighborhood friends, who were, incidentally, also my classmates in school. I also remember watching the village intercolor tournaments, participating in the Santacruzan, and enjoying my childhood. It was also during this time that I got my “dimple” – my pet dog bit me in the face.

15 Years Ago (1990)

We had just transferred from Bulacan to Antipolo three years before (1987). At this time, I was studying in Marikina. I had met my first crush in Grade IV, two years prior (1988), which I nurtured until I was in 2nd Year High School. It was also in high school that I met the first girl I thought would become my girlfriend (1995). Unfortunately, college got in the way. I also met new friends when I transferred, some of whom I met again in high school and also became close friends. We still meet each other from time to time, often just to reminisce.

10 Years Ago (1995)

I was in UP and culture-shocked. Everything was brand new. After a lifetime of wearing a uniform, I found out that I could wear whatever I wanted as long as it was decent. I discovered the arcades in the shopping mall where I spent nearly all my allowance playing all the games I could. I made another set of friends, the closest friends that I have. I discovered freedom in UP, and I learned a lot of things (but obviously, I haven’t learned enough) that made me into what I am today.

5 Years Ago

I was still looking for a job because no one would hire me. I tried applying in Makati but all I got was a job selling house alarms. I never attended the “graduation”. Good thing I applied at the Department when they were reorganizing, so I got a steady job almost immediately after. I was planning on courting a high school crush whom I’ve been writing to on and off during college but she had already said yes to someone else by the time I got the nerve to ask her. I now had my own money which allowed me to enjoy being employed and single.

3 Years Ago

Met Caroline in the weirdest of circumstances (through text chat, would you believe!). She became my girlfriend a couple of months after that. J Got bitten by a cat while texting her. I got promoted after two years of work. J Still waiting for that other promotion, though. I tried my hand at post-graduate studies but my personal life got in the way…

Last Year

Had a free trip to Paris (my first international trip). Made another set of friends (the whole French class from FSI).

This Year

Celebrated with Louis (first time I got tipsy from alcohol in 2 years) in January. Attended a seminar in Australia in February. Broke 3 of my teeth there and spent a fortune fixing them (I used up all of my savings from that trip to pay for it and still it wasn’t enough; I had to make a loan from my aunt for 51% of the amount and my loan from the office cooperative just managed to make my money on hand 49% of the total amount). Caroline and I celebrated our 3rd Anniversary last June. Got bit by a cat again (good thing I’m still covered by my anti-rabies shots three years prior). Hoping that I can apply for a post-graduate studies slot in Australia.

Yesterday

Drove my mom to work, presented our USEC’s presentation to a bunch of military officers at J5, did some editing on it, went to my dad for some gas (diesel, actually), fetched my mom, drove my mom and sister to the grocery to buy food for my sister’s field trip, slept early. Last NightCalled Caroline to say good night and attempted to tidy up a few loose ends…TodayFinished my editing (I hope my USEC likes what I’ve done). Sent a friend an e-mail that will determine our future in the office…

Tomorrow

Have my laptop checked out. Try and arrange my files for eventual transfer to cd. Prepare myself for another night in the office (I’m the SDO tomorrow).
Next YearHopefully, I’ll be in Australia studying for a post-graduate degree or if that doesn’t push through, attempt to pursue a post-graduate degree here in the Philippines. Get promoted to the next higher step (and get a little more money). And be financially… liquid.

5-10 Years From Now

Get married and settle down. Have a maximum of 2 children. Occupy an executive post in the Department. Be financially stable. Think about migrating somewhere else…

(written: 1316H 01 Sep 2005)

Conversations between brothers

2005-09-28T13:45:00.000+08:00

It’s always fun listening to conversations between my father and my uncles whenever we visit our relatives in Batangas. Just like normal siblings, they talk about each other a lot, especially the memories of their childhood. My youngest uncle, Tito Renato, is the designated joker. He possesses an earthy type of humor and is truly outrageous. He often tells stories on how he was bullied by my oldest uncle, Tito Ding, into doing more work, even though he was as thin as a rail and the youngest of the brothers. Then, there are stories about my father, the funniest of which are the inter-barangay basketball game where they lost 26-24 in double overtime, wherein he describes my father as one of the star players of their team (and my father did have a good game when he was younger, as evidenced by the multitude of basketball jerseys he wore as a player and coach during his younger days, most of which are now worn by my youngest brother, the most athletic among us) and the time my father tried boxing (my father always said that he fought only 5 times, with a record of 0 wins, 3 losses and 2 draws). Honestly, the way Tito Renato tells stories can really make anyone crack up with laughter, be it about himself or about other people.

It was only last week, after our latest visit in Batangas (to commemorate my grandfather’s 1st death anniversary) that I realized the value of the memories that my father and his brothers shared through their stories. Now, as I am writing this, I’m thinking of recording some of those stories, albeit discreetly, then transcribe it, so that I can save those stories for posterity.

People of different generations always have different stories to tell about themselves. And I felt a touch of envy as I thought about the conversations that my father had with his brothers because my brothers and I don’t have anything that can compare with what my father and his brothers had. But as my mother pointed out, they lived in a different milieu from us, so their experiences and our experiences may not even be comparable. Perhaps she’s right. Given time, me and my brothers’ childhood memories may be able to approximate the stories my father and uncles have, and maybe one of our children would have been thinking the same thoughts as I do now, of enjoying listening to the conversations of his father and his brothers and even recording it for posterity.

(written: 1306H 28 Sep 2005)

Making Caroline laugh

2005-09-28T13:44:00.000+08:00

I haven’t heard Caroline laugh as hard like I did last night. She was laughing so hard she had a bellyache. And the funny thing was, I felt glad to have made her laugh out loud like that, even if it was at my expense.

I have often asked her, “Am I really funny?” And her usual answer has been “Yes.” However, I often look at her with disbelief because I feel that she is too biased towards me. She is my girlfriend after all. But seeing how often she laughs at my one-liners, my witticisms and jokes, I now believe that I am somewhat funny.

She has said in the past that she has been grateful that I turned out to be somewhat of a funny guy, and she’s also thankful that our relationship has also been filled with laughter, along with everything else. And I have replied to her that making her laugh has always been part of the job description of being a boyfriend; I’m just “doing” my “job”.

(written 21 Sep 05)

My apologies

2005-09-28T13:38:00.000+08:00

I would like to apologize to all of the people who read my blog (yes, all four of you - just kidding!) for not having updated it for a month. September 2005 has been somewhat of a difficult month for me because our whole division in the office was uprooted and transferred upstairs. I didn’t have an Internet connection (but I’ve finally found a way to get around it) and my job has been more of preparing and editing Powerpoint presentations for my boss, which includes assisting whenever he’s presenting outside the office. Caroline has been giving me hell all this time because I still haven’t sent her picture that she wanted to have posted on her Friendster account.

But don’t worry; I haven’t been idle. In fact, I’ve been writing articles that were supposed to be my posts for this blog over the past weeks. I think I’ve managed to write enough to satisfy all of you. ;-)

By the way, the changes that have occurred this month will reflect how often I can update my blog. So you may see my entries posted in batches.

Well, I guess that’s it for now.

Happy reading!

Anybody seen the moon last night?

2005-08-23T08:26:00.000+08:00

Anybody seen the moon last night? Damn, the moon was big! It was close enough to touch... It looked like a shot from a sci-fi movie, didn't it? Anybody know the explanation why?

"Slow is smooth; smooth is fast"

2005-08-22T12:33:00.000+08:00

I got this cool quote from the video game titled “First to Fight”, an X-box game that Tita Debbie had gifted us last Christmas. It’s an FPS, similar to “Counter-Strike” and “Rainbow Six”, about US Marines in a fictional conflict setting in the Middle East. They use this quote when they do “Room Take-downs”, which is entering a room and killing enemies within, usually done to rescue hostages. So what’s the connection here?

I know how to drive. I’ve been driving for about 7 years now, and I’ve gone through personality changes associated with it – from being a novice to a more self-confident driver. In all those years, it was only for the past year or so that I’ve driven an automatic transmission car. Most of the time, I drive manual transmission cars (stick-shifts), but now, when my father sold the car that I had been using for the past 4 years (a silver ’91 Toyota Corolla 1.6GL) and bought his “slightly new” Toyota Revo LXV, he gave me permission to use his ’96 Toyota Corolla 1.6GLi with automatic transmission. In the beginning, I was apprehensive in driving this car (and to some extent, I still am) for the primary reason that it is a very complicated and complex machine (much more than the already complicated and complex manual transmission car that I drove) that cannot be easily fixed by any roadside mechanic (one of my greatest fears is this car breaking down in the middle of nowhere and with no one to fix it) and also because I know that the price of its spare parts and the cost of maintaining will ultimately lead me to poverty. In addition, I had a very traumatic experience while driving this car – I fell asleep at the wheel with my sister as my passenger. When I closed my eyes, I swerved to my left, nearly hitting a car and crossing the intersection. It was a good thing that my body managed to wake me up. I immediately jumped to the brake and then the car came to a screeching halt. My sister, bless her, slept through the whole thing. But now, I have no choice. I can’t drive my father’s LXV (he won’t let me), nor can I drive the 98 Toyota FX that serves as my mother’s “service” (it’s way too big for me since I usually drive alone) so I was stuck with it. Don’t get me wrong; it is a very nice car. I just didn’t see how it fit my driving style (I’m more of a passive-aggressive type of driver, especially with the ’91 Corolla, which was set-up for speed). So I made a decision. I had to change my style to fit it.

The change was a bit difficult. I sometimes cannot control my urge to put the pedal to the floor and charge away particularly in intersections. And I can’t maneuver as easily in traffic as I did before (being an automatic, it’s painfully slow from a standing start). In short, I felt it was limiting my freedom somewhat. My father had always told me that automatics don’t like sudden bursts of speed since it takes them a certain level to change gears; instead, I should always keep my foot pressure constant on the gas pedal so that I reach the optimum speed at the right levels and not force the engine. Unfortunately, I kept forgetting that fact. However, that all changed last week, when I bought a book entitled “The Greaseless Guide to Car Care and Maintenance”. I had been looking for that kind of book for sometime since I do have plans to learn to be a mechanic someday (even just for troubleshooting). There I learned that my father had been right all along, that the engines of automatics should never be forced and that driving them should be nice and smooth (how stupid of me not to believe my father… He’s been driving way before I was!). So now, as much as possible I try to drive as smoothly possible. Then I remembered that quote from the game, which has now become my mantra for driving – “slow is smooth; smooth is fast”. And it really works, you know. I feel relaxed while I’m driving, the car is more responsive and I save more fuel. I still get a little flustered at times so I forget, but most of the time, I remember. I hope to become a better driver with it.

“The Space Between” by the Dave Matthews Band as a break-up song?

2005-08-18T12:55:00.000+08:00

The radio station I listen to has a top ten list of songs based on particular themes like: top ten songs played in outer space, top ten songs we’d like to read as poems, etc. Now on one particular day, it was a top ten break-up songs and this song was included in it. Now I had been driving to work then and upon hearing that this song was made part of it, I was really, really incensed. “The Space Between” by the DMB, a break-up song? I couldn’t believe it! I was shouting inside the car how stupid the person was to even suggest the idea (good thing I put on the air condition, otherwise people would wonder why I’m shouting) because the song is not a break-up song. It’s a song of reconciliation and love. And it is my favorite DMB song (because I sang it to Caroline while we were still dating). People may have their own opinions about it, but as for me, it is most definitely not a break-up song. However, in the interest of fairness, I would like to ask your comments on it. What do you think of the lyrics? Does it suggest a break-up?

The Space Between
- Dave Matthews Band

You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I’ve got all the time for you love
The space between
The tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more
The space between
The wicked lies we tell to keep us safe from the pain
Will I hold you again
These fickle fuddled words confuse me
Like will it rain today
We waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we’re playing
We’re strange allies
With warring hearts
What a wild eyed beast you be
The space between
The wicked lies we tell that hope to keep us safe from the pain
Look at us spinning out in the madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like the devil in the church
In the middle of a crowded room
All we can do my love
Is hope we don’t take this ship down
The space between
Where you smile and hide
That’s where you’ll find me if I get to go
The space between
The bullets in our fire fight
Is where I’ll be hiding waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
And ran like sadness down the window into your room
The space between
Our wicked lies is
The hope to keep safe from pain
Take my hand
Cause we’re walking out of here
Right out of here
Love is all we need dear
The space between
What’s wrong and right
Is where you’ll find me hiding
Waiting for you
The space between
Your heart and mind
Is the space we’ll fill with time
The space between

The music of my life and the Dave Matthews Band (extended version)

2005-08-18T07:47:00.000+08:00

(This post has appeared before in past incarnations of this blog, I just added some more bits and pieces)

For many years, I have searched for a particular kind of music and a particular way of writing songs that could somehow reflect my personality – the way I am, the way I feel, the act, the way I think. It may sound odd to some, but it is true. When I was young, I grew up listening to a lot of 50’s and 60’s music, plus American country music, thanks to Kenny Rogers, whom we listen to when we go to Batangas to visit my grandparents. During high school, I was into the metal – grunge scene, thanks to my friends who introduced me to the music of Metallica, Guns n’ Roses, Nirvana and Pearl Jam. In college, I was into Pinoy rock and ska, electronica and J-Pop, judging by the albums I bought during that time. I also changed stations, shifting from 50’s-60’s to rock, and finally settling on alternative, to which I have been listening for four years now.

However, though I found the music genre I wanted to listen to, I hadn’t found the particular brand of music and the particular way of writing songs that I wanted. I could sing the songs of this and that band, and I could use some of their lyrics as poetry on the love letters that I had been writing, but they seemed artificial; it did not truly reflect my personality. And then, four years ago, in 2001, I heard the song that answered my problem. It was “The Space Between” by the Dave Matthews Band.

At that time, I had not been a fan of DMB, as they are fondly called. I hadn’t even heard of them, quite frankly. I vaguely remember listening to some of their songs that were being played by some of the radio stations here in the Philippines, but their songs then didn’t appeal much to me, probably because I was intent on listening to other songs. “The Space Between” was a whole different story, though.

I remember first listening to this song on the radio station that I am listening to now. At that time, they still played a weekly countdown of the hottest songs in the US. The first thing I noticed about this song was the lyrics. It was extraordinary. How do these lines grab you? “The space between what’s wrong and right, is where you’ll find me, hiding and waiting for you. The space between you heart and mine, is a space we’ll fill with time.” Cool, huh? I had not encountered a line or lines that expressed being in a relationship that way. So I kept on listening to that countdown every weekend, checking to see how high the song went in the countdown. I think it peaked at number 17 on the weekly countdown and number 32 for the year-end countdown. And then I got the idea of writing down the lyrics, which was difficult when you are listening on the radio, and more difficult because they only play the song once. After a while, I managed to get the album title. The song was taken from the DMB album “Everyday”. I also did a little research on the band itself; and then the radio station I was listening to played some of their earlier songs, so I got to know the names of the other DMB songs on the radio as well as their previous albums. I managed to buy the second studio album, until their fifth, albeit in cassette form; I didn’t have enough money to buy CD copies then.

“The Space Between” affected me so much during that time that I was singing it whenever I got the chance. At the office, at home, while walking, heck, even while taking a bath, I kept on singing it. I just couldn’t let go of the lyrics. It was also within that span of time that I met my girlfriend, Caroline. We met through a chat service and had been texting and talking for a couple of months when I finally decided to ask her out on a date. I brought along my DMB tapes because I always bring them with me when I drive. After our date, as we were going back to her boarding house, I asked her to listen to my favorite song. She politely listened to the song, and I even sang a few bars while driving. Then I proceeded to explain what I thought about the song and the meaning of the lines. Maybe she thought I was so passionate about explaining the meaning of the song, at least for me, that she asked me if I could e-mail her the lyrics. Which I did, and we discussed it. After a while, she was asking me to sing it to her; and eventually, when we agreed to have a relationship, it became our “theme song”.

My discovery of the music of DMB did not stop there. As I listened to all their albums, I also found other songs that had profound effects on me. Songs like “Ants Marching”, whose beat is so lively that whenever I listen to it, I feel my spirits rise. It doesn’t matter if I’m feeling down; if it’s playing, I’m already smiling. “#41”, whose inspiring lyrics reflect the way I try to live my life – “I will go in this way, and find my own way out”. “Crush”, whose bass-driven jazz-like intro begins a song that for me, is a tribute to my girlfriend. And then, I started listening more closely. Now, it wasn’t just the lyrics that got me; it was the arrangements. I love the way the songs of DMB are arranged. I can spend the whole day listening to DMB songs and pick them apart instrument by instrument. Every time I listen to one of their songs, I seem to discover something new, parts of the song so subtly placed that most people will not notice them. It may be a particular drumbeat, chord or note, something new and exciting that was not heard before when I first listened to it. And as of now, only DMB songs are playing on my CD player, my Walkman and car radio. I managed to buy one of the five cassette albums I had (then) in CD format; my aunt gifted me with four. There was a solo album, collaboration between Dave Matthews, the lead vocalist and songwriter, and his friends away from the band that I also bought in CD format. And now, I’m looking forward to their next studio album, which was released in the US last May. I just hope that they release it here in the Philippines too.

I finally found the music of my life in the Dave Matthews Band, and I am now a fan for life…

Right now, I have 7 studio albums of DMB (Remember Two Things, Under the Table and Dreaming, Crash, Before These Crowded Streets, Everyday, Busted Stuff, and their latest, Stand Up) plus Dave Matthew’s solo album (Some Devil) and two live concert albums (Live at Red Rocks and The Gorge). I’ve made some sort of “Best of…” compilation of the more famous songs by DMB, just for my personal enjoyment, which I eventually gave to some of my friends for them to listen to and enjoy [I just finished another one, but this time, it’s for Caroline on the occasion of our 3rd Anniversary. It’s not the choosing of the songs or the actual making of the CD’s that is making the preparation process longer, but the packaging), and I’ve taken pleasure in hearing them say that DMB’s music is great and totally different from what they had been listening to.

The main problem in making such a compilation is finding the albums in the first place. It’s actually very difficult to find DMB albums here in the country, especially the older ones (some albums weren’t even sold here, I think). It’s just a good thing that my aunt, Tita Debbie, who’s from the US, gives me the DMB albums as gifts whenever she comes back here in the Philippines. That’s why I got the latest album, Stand Up, only a couple of weeks after it was released in the US, several songs from which I incorporated immediately to the compilation I’m making (Dreamgirl, Old Dirt Hill, American Baby and my current favorite, Stolen Away on 55th and 3rd).

Sevens and Fives

2005-08-15T09:35:00.000+08:00

Tagged again. I hope no one's offended... :-)

Seven things I can do:
1) I can take a nap anywhere (and snore in less than a minute after falling asleep);
2) Eat a meal under 5 minutes (with a minimum of chewing);
3) Spot "hot" girls while driving;
4) Write legibly;
5) Confuse people (I do that all the time);
6) Speak a little French and very little Japanese (oh, and I'm learning a little Ilonggo and Bisaya on the side);
7) Play my strategy games all by myself (even though the rules explicitly say that TWO players are needed).

5 CDs in your player:
1-3. 3 CDs of songs from various artists that I won from a radio contest
4. Best of REM (I love singing to "What's the frequency Kenneth?")
5. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones "Let's Face It"

7 things that scare me:

1) spiders and beetles;
2) murderers, muggers, hold-uppers and their ilk;
3) failing to meet my responsibilities and obligations to everyone
4) incurring debt;
5) my car breaking down and not knowing how to fix it;
6) being drunk;
7) myself

5 things I can't do (but tried):
1. wiggle my eyebrows or my ears
2. save money (I am chronically short of cash)
3. lose weight
4. exercise
5. speak slowly and intelligently

7 things I like the most:

1) traveling abroad
2) sleeping
3) reading
4) playing video games
5) listening to DMB
6) eating
7) watching anime

5 movies I’ve seen recently:

1. Underworld (DVD)
2. Blackhawk Down (DVD)
3. The Great Raid (SM North)
4. Immoral Sisters (Hentai anime - VCD)
5. Wimbledon (DVD)

Seven important things in my room:

1) my mementos
2) my books
3) my CDs
4) my scale models
5) my mini-DVD player
6) my PDAs
7) my bed

5 nice things that happened to me lately:
1. watched a movie and had dinner with Caroline
2. Receiving a kiss from Caroline
3. Getting my monetization (and paying off my bills)
4. Receiving gifts of tea from Bon (thanks ulit!)
5. Finishing my gift to Caroline (finally, after 3 months!)

7 random thoughts on things:
1) You can't be everything to everyone all of the time
2) Slow is smooth; smooth is fast (taken from a video game)
3) The feeling after taking a crap and picking one's nose is the nearest thing to heaven I can think of (after a conversation with my brother)
4) Save , save, save
5) Damn, I feel awful. I want to sleep...
6) In planning never a useless move; in strategy, no step taken in vain (quoted from a comment in Sun-Tzu's "The Art of War")
7) Lost in a crowd and alone in a circus...

Three days in the life of...

2005-08-12T15:42:00.000+08:00

10 August 2005

I’ve been thinking about this title for the past couple of days now, having thought of it over the weekend as I tried to sort out what I had to do at work this week. I don’t want to sound like a whiner (though Caroline always tells me that I am one - J) but I really have to complain about the work that I’ve been doing at the office.

To be fair and honest to all concerned, I’ll admit that I’ve been lax the past couple of months, especially right after the Lessons Learned Exercise that we conducted last June as the forum for feedback as we implemented the first cycle of our planning, programming and budgeting system in the Department and the resource management system simulation we held a week later. Damn, that was truly hard, especially since there were only two other people helping me – Ate Tess and Major Real.

When our American subject matter experts (SMEs) came back, it felt like my whole world collapsed again. They were expecting great things from me (because I had been assigned, by default, to act as their point of contact for everything) and I didn’t deliver. Because of my laxity, I totally forgot all of my duties and responsibilities to them. And as punishment, I got rebuke from my “best friend”. He didn’t have to bawl me out to make me see my mistakes, unlike before. Instead, he let me realize the gravity of the situation. So I tried to make up for my stupid mistakes by arranging their schedules and coordinating their conferences which had been good (although I don’t know if it was good enough for them), but then, my “best friend” sprung a “trap” on me.

As I was away attending to some of my personal financial concerns (I am chronically short of cash - L), I was given the task of writing a whole chapter of our planning guidance for the year. And it was the important part of the document too, as it highlighted the development priorities of our secretary over the next 6 years! I didn’t have the slightest idea on what to do, but I did know that I’d just be rewriting some of the stuff that had been written in the previous planning guidance, so I did that. However, little did I know that I had to wade into a veritable lake (not yet an ocean but I think that it might get there) of information (mostly figures that until now I still cannot make heads or tails of) that I had only fleeting encounters with during our last planning cycle [I studiously tried to avoid having to do anything with that for the following reasons: 1) I had been away when they were busy crunching those numbers (I was in Australia for 1 ½ months attending a seminar), 2) I wasn’t really that interested in doing it anyway (after all that I’ve been through last year, I wasn’t ready to work on this thing again) and 3) I might be infringing on someone else’s “territory” and “expertise” (because like some Filipinos, I am, as one of our American SMEs said, conflict-averse)]. Not only that, I had also learned that I had only a few days to do everything because of my laxity (and inherent stupidity, but more on that later)! So I gathered all the information that I thought I might need and proceeded to make one of the worst rewrites one could ever do. I had it checked out by our SMEs and when it came back, it was full of “love-notes” and “squiggles”. But he did appease me by saying that it was kind of good, since it was, after all, a first draft and the notes had been helpful in improving the quality of the draft.
I wanted to do some work over the weekend, even to the extent of bringing the office laptop and all of my references home with me last Friday. Unfortunately, I was thwarted once again by the weekend, so I just gave up, resolving to just go to the office early on Monday and try to finish everything there, which I did, by the way, except for some topics that I need to discuss with people from other offices.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was devoted to cleaning up my draft and fixing loose ends on my grammar. I still had to meet with people with another office [I had asked Ate Tess to schedule a meeting with them today (Wednesday)] in order to complete my draft before I formally submit it to our undersecretary on Thursday. But informally, I’m going to submit my as of yet incomplete draft for his first “pass”. I know I’m going to get another “bawl-out” but I’ve learned to take such things in stride. I just want this over and done with. The sooner I get bawled out, the faster I can finish his corrections and finalize my draft for his approval.

11 August 2005

Today is Thursday. I had my draft checked out by our undersecretary yesterday morning, and what he said was that it was a good enough draft, but not because he read it thoroughly. I guess he just scanned it and gave a few comments on it. I don’t have any problems with that and I was pretty thankful that I wasn’t bawled out for submitting another mediocre document. However, he did proceed to lecture me on the things that had been happening since I was away (and he even joked that I may not be able to understand what he’s talking about because I had been away for a long while) which took an agonizing 2 hours. That was two hours that I lost in working on the draft. The discussion was interesting, mind you (many have commented that he should have been a teacher) but since I have a deadline, I badly needed those two hours to input his comments. I felt enervated leaving his office, so I decided to go out and have lunch outside of the office (the famous “lunch-out”). I returned 2 hours later to start working on the draft (I didn’t know that I had to correct many things, especially the languaging of my document), which I didn’t finish within working hours (I went home at around 8 pm).

Right now, I’m waiting for the comments on my draft. I have an exam in my Japanese class later, so I’m also doing a bit of reviewing on the side. I just hope that the corrections can come after I leave for school and that the corrections are minimal because I’ll be coming back later after class to check up on it. I know I’ll lose valuable resting time again but I have to do it. And it seems to me that I’ll be staying here for quite a time later doing revisions, printing it and repackaging it, just like what I did before. Damn, NOTHING has changed…

To be honest, I am getting sick and tired (both literally and figuratively) of doing this work. It is interesting, sure, but I really think that I don’t have the necessary skills nor knowledge to even attempt in doing it. For all my vaunted “intelligence”, I confess that I do not have the slightest idea of what it is that I am supposed to do. I can follow the system somewhat and I can explain in it in my own “special” way (which has the effect of further confusing people) but I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do in the system. I sometimes get vague ideas on what I’m supposed to do, but whenever I’m given work to do, those ideas just go out the window because more often than not, the work that I’m going to do is NOT the work that I’m supposed to do. But I do it anyway because I can do it (and more importantly, the people above me THINK that I can do it).
I could have refused, I know that, but could you really refuse when you’re already right smack in the middle of it? That’s the same as asking the driver of the MRT to stop midway between stations. It can’t be done. Besides, I was already to deep in it to refuse anyway. So I will carry on, just like any good government employee and hopefully, earn my pay…

12 August 2005

I just finished a meeting sometime ago, and now I’m relaxing a bit since it is a Friday. I don’t feel well, and I really don’t want to do any work today so I’m going to bring work home even though I usually can’t work during weekends. I have to try to do something over the weekend; otherwise, I get swamped with work again on Monday. I’ll also try and get some sort of schedule going for work and get myself organized over the weekend so that I can better manage my time and resources. I don’t have a lot of both so planning is truly essential…

Chipmunk and Boss Marc

2005-07-30T07:48:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's a weird title, but I just have to tell you this story...

A year ago, my "best friend" (who happens to be my "super" again... crap) left for a 3-month seminar in Hawaii. I was still his "star" subordinate then (back when we were still in good terms) and we were starting to do something very important (like implementing our Department's new planning, programming and budgeting cycle), which got a big boost from visits by UK and US subject matter experts who discussed these at length with us. So when he left, he wanted me to take care of things for him, sort of a "caretaker" for the work... Not to allow it to stagnate and all that. Which I did. And being a caretaker included occupying his "cubicle". When he left, in effect, I became the "chief" of something, but not the division though (I'm too junior). After that everybody started calling me "chief". I hated that. I'm no "chief" and I don't like attaching anything to my name anyway. I'm just plain old "Marc". I know that his designation of me offended some of my more senior colleagues, and as much as possible, I let them know that I'm just occupying the space. I don't have any right to be called that. But they still kept calling me "chief" or "Chief Marc" (sounds stupid, doesn't it?), which annoyed me to no end. Finally, I decided to play on that moniker, "Chief Marc". Whenever somebody would call me that, I immediately correct them by saying, "Hindi Chief Marc; Chipmunk!", which made everyone laugh out loud. At least it got my colleagues to thinking that I'm really no different from them because like I said, though I was supposed to be the "chief" of something, I was just there to occupy space and nothing more.

But there is still this colleague of mine who kept calling me "Boss Marc". I also don't like to be called that, but since it seems he can't get it out of his system, I just let him do that. By the way, that "Boss Marc" thing came from me. I still call my former "super" "Boss Dick" ("Dick" is, by the way, his real name). "Sir Dick" just didn't sound right (it elicited more than its share of laughs, much to his chagrin), and I don't dare call him any other honorific since he is my super so I just called him "Boss Dick", which I hope you'll agree, sounds a lot better.

Right now, I just plain "Marc" again, and believe me, that's the way I like it.

Rescue...

2005-07-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

This is the first time that something like this has happened to me during my stint as Staff Duty Officer (SDO) - an actual emergency. No, not like a "REAL" emergency, but more of the "routine" emergencies - for example, cars breaking down in the middle of nowhere and asking for "rescue" from our duty drivers and mechanics. This may not sound like a big deal (and it is no big deal, to be honest), but this is the first time, in all the time that I've been on duty that this happened to me - an actual car broke down, an official of the Department requesting for "rescue", and I have to do something about it. Sigh. The duty driver told me that I wasn't supposed to be involved in these matters (probably because these were inconsequential) and that they can handle these kinds of situations on their level... And he kept calling me "sir" (which I never ask anyone to do... I'm just plain "Marc" here at the office), which is odd...

However, the funny thing is, I just learned that the person to be "rescued" just paid a jeepney driver to tow the vehicle, perhaps to the nearest garage. All that work for nothing...

Catching "Two Weeks Notice" on cable

2005-07-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

As of typing this entry, I am at the office, on duty as Staff Duty Officer (SDO) for the day. This duty is not special, and as much as possible, I try to avoid it; but there is no escaping this. The good side to staying here as SDO is that I get the day off next morning. :-) Lucky me.

I just finished having my dinner a few hours back, and after finishing, I watched a few minutes of tv. As I was channel surfing, I managed to catch "Two Weeks Notice" playing at one of the cable movie channels. I did not see this movie (although I had been planning to see it with Caroline then), so I thought, why don't I watch it on cable instead?

The movie is a "couple" film, wherein a mismatched couple falls in love with each other. It's one of the usual, run-of-the-mill romantic comedies that girls love to watch as "date" films. And as I was watching it, I suddenly noticed that I haven't seen a "date" film since - what was the name of the Ashton Kutcher-Amanda Peet movie shown a month ago (please someone help me with this... Caroline's gonna' kill me if I can't remember the title of this film!)? And we didn't go to the movies specifically to watch that movie. Rather, we had to watch it because "Sin City" left a bad taste in Caroline's mouth (she did not like the movie at all; whereas I enjoyed it). I'm starting to miss going to the movies with Caroline (she has watched the Fantastic Four without me, because of family obligations, plus I'm really cash-strapped, with the bills that I am paying...), but that can't be helped. Besides, I know that I can't go and watch every movie with her... So instead of her waiting for us to watch it, I told her that she can watch the movies she likes on her own.

But still, I miss watching movies with her. And by catching "Two Weeks Notice" on cable, I'm again reminded of that sad fact...

2005-07-20T16:10:00.000+08:00

I didn't title this post because I don't know how it will turn out. And I'm not going to title it once I finish it because I figured that since I don't know how it came about, it has no theme, and as we all know, a theme is central in creating a title (at least that is how I normally write the stuff I put here).

There is no real logic to what I am saying because I am writing this as things come to me. As much as possible I don't try to think ahead of myself, just writing the words that pop into my head and tell their story. I'm not into connecting words to form meaningless sentences, just connecting words into somewhat coherent sentences that will not (hopefully) give anyone who reads this a headache in trying to find the meaning of this post.

This is by no means the last time I will do this thing here. I will do it again in the future, that is a fact.

Okay, now that that is out of the way...

I'm here at the office now. I'm hearing the sound of conversations in front of me and the blaring of music behind me. Butchik, the son of our Assistant Secretary's Secretary (Ate Lanny) is running up and down a narrow corridor that bisects our office while Kuya Daqs strangely Visayan-accented Tagalog muffles the sound of Butchik's shoes. Then I am now hearing the distinct scraping of shoe soles on the floor, signifying that my "best friend" is walking (how his affected way of walking irritates me so!) the corridors, trying to find someone to talk to I gather (or perhaps he just heard Butchik running). I hear Butchik with his mother now, together with Kuya Boy, Kuya Daqs, Denia, Pare Dismas and God knows who else.

The PLDT phone in our division just rang, picked up by Kuya Exie who gave the phone to Ate Tess. Kuya Ming is busy emptying our trash bins, Kuya Daqs is looking at some of his papers, Major Real is busy surfing the net and Ate Tess just finished her phone conversation, leaving the office to go the toilet.

Tita Vi approached me asking why our division did not have a list of our functions and responsibilities, and I tell her I don't know.

The stress in realizing the importance of what Tita Vi just showed me has now begun to engulf my body. i know that it will be up to me - again - to fix this lapse. Sigh. I'll think about it later. Oh wait, I have a dinner date with Caroline later. Sheesh, I must remind myself of my daily schedules.

The air conditioning is softly humming as I am typing this post, pausing for brief moments just to scratch my head. It's not that I don't know what I'm going to type next nor is it stress (I tend to sratch my head violently whenever I'm stressed out). It's just that I have a lot of dandruff now. Hehehe.

Going back to this post, I now hear Ate Tess calling Mike, one of our resident info tech specialists. Form what Ate Tess told me, her computer has gone bonkers again and she's asking Mike the tech guy to fix it.

It's now 4:32 and I'm now smelling the perfume used by my best friend... Damn, the smell is offensive. I want to retch for smelling it. Since it is already 4 in the afternoon, that smell means that he is preparing to leave. Good riddance.

Right now, I'm just waiting for the clock to reach 5 so that I can go home. My father is picking me up from work (because I will be the one driving the car when we go home). Kuya Boy just entered the office as Butchik ran the corridor again.

Kuya Exie and Ate Olive just entered the room and Kuya Exie sat on his table. He's going home too. The noise level in our office has just increased, indicating that everyone is itching to leave for home. Just like me.

No wonder I don't get anything done, right? I'm just blogging away to pass the time. What a waste of government time and money. But then again, it would not be a waste of government time and money if I had something to do! As it is, I'm still waiting for the results of my work to come down from the office of our Undersecretary for Operations. In whose office, I am reliably told, contains stacks of documents piled up high, waiting for his signature. Sheesh. Anyway, he's a lawyer by profession so maybe he's just using that "lawyer" intellect to sift through those documents one by one. Whatever those documents contain.

Question: Why do lawyers think they are superior just because they can interpret the wording of anything to mean just what they say they mean? I could never understand that. And I don't think I ever will.

I just coughed twice. I'm still sick with a cough and a runny nose, though my flu has been gone since yesterday. I just hope I have regained enough strength to fully recover. Otherwise, I'm going to be absent for the next couple of days.

Okay, it's now 15 minutes before 5 pm and I think I have to stop now. My wrists and fingers are aching.

Somebody just opened the tv at ANC. An interview is being conducted with the latest Arroyo official to resign. No, I don't want to listen to that anymore...

Shaken and Stirred

2005-07-19T10:46:00.000+08:00

This past weekend was one of the worst, if not the worst weekend of my entire 26-year life here on this planet. I won't go into the specifics but suffice it to say that it took a well-deserved talk from my father to really shake me from my stupidity and stir back a little life in me.

Thanks, Dad.

Me and cats

2005-07-18T15:36:00.000+08:00

Okay here's the scoop. I've been bitten by a cat. AGAIN.

The first time I was bitten was 3 years ago. I extended my hand outside my window to get a better signal for my cellphone when all of a sudden a cat just jumped and bit me. Weird, huh? I just can't imagine that happening, not in a million years. Maybe the cat thought I was dangling food or something (the flashing light on my Ericsson R310S must have given the cat that idea) so it bit me. Sigh. I had to scramble and get myself injected with the requisite anti-tetanus shots and the anti-rabies vaccines which cost P30,000 (because there was a time I was injected twice with the same medicine)

The second time was just last week (Monday, 10 July). This time I was going to the hospital to visit Caroline (she had a bad case of the flu - or another bout with dengue fever, I don't know which one is it) when I stepped on a cat - a cat that we have been feeding for the past couple of months. Of course, feeling its tail being crushed beneath my foot, it bit me. A deeper sigh. But lucky me, the cost for this bite has been minimal, perhaps less than P5,000, because my previous injections still provided me with some immunity to the virus and all that I need are booster shots (which I have to renew every year).

What is it with me and cats? Do they love me so much they just want to sink their teeth into me?

The battlelines have been drawn...

2005-07-08T14:18:00.000+08:00

This farce has gone long enough. Finally, the politicians have chosen their sides and all that is left is to have one massive confrontation to settle everything. But will they have the guts to do it? And who will blink first? (Bigyan na lang kaya natin sila ng tigi-tigisang kutsilyo, ano?)

However, no matter what happens, it's us, the poor people of this once great nation, who will have to bear all of the burden - before, during and after this thing is settled...

"Teks"

2005-07-06T12:33:00.000+08:00

I wonder if people can still remember playing with "teks". I do. You know, the small pieces of cardboard where scenes from different Tagalog movies were drawn? Yep, those things. You play them by putting three pieces in your hands and flicking them. Combinations from the way the cards fall (either face up or face down) determine who wins.

So why am I talking about this? This was a topic of discussion during our trip to Batangas last Sunday.

At first, we played with the small "teks" as I mentioned above. However, when I was in highschool (in the early 90s), the small "teks" were replaced by bigger cards - fake copies of Marvel and DC trading cards that proliferated the streets; however, the playing the game remained the same. But as I grew older, I outgrew playing "teks" all together (and I just couldn't win at the game anyway). Instead, I focused on collecting these fake trading cards, which also served as my introduction to comic books. My youngest brother then inherited the task of not only playing the game, but buying the cards too. He was pretty good at the game anyway, almost always winning against his opponent. And me? I collected the series, checking for quality and building up our collection. At the end of this craze a couple of years later, we had managed to colect Marvel trading cards series 1, series 2, the X-men series, the Marvel superheroes series and the DC card series. And that's just for the trading cards. We also collected cards from the Japanese live action series (like the Power Rangers), especially the cards from the Ultraman series. What a collection, no? Me and my brothers were proud of this collection. The excess cards that we got were then thrown into a big bag and used in playing "teks". I think our excess cards numbed more than 2,000, which fit into an old school bag.

I still had that collection when my sister was born. Unfortunately, since the game wasn't "in" anymore, that meant that we had a couple of thousand cards lying around the house. She played with them, first with the excess cards, and then with the collection. In the span of 1 year, she managed to lose all of the cards we collected. ALL OF THEM. Sigh. Sayang talaga.

Studying languages

2005-07-06T09:17:00.000+08:00

From as far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to learn a foreign language. I remember the book "Last of the Mohicans" and encountering my first French phrases while reading the story. Then came college, where our class in the course Speculative Thought was advised by our teacher, Ma'm Jenny de Villa, to learn a foreign language - either French or German, to help us in studying for our major subjects. So I chose French (I took 18 units of it) apart from the required 12 units of Spanish (which was a bit confusing. When I entered college, they were still formulating a new curriculum for us, so I used the old curriculum in getting my subjects. So I still made provisions in getting the required 12 units of Spanish. I also enrolled in Japanese and Chinese classes (I managed to complete 3 units of each course). So in effect, I attempted to learn four languages when I was in college - French, Spanish, Japanese and Chinese. Ang dami ano?

After finishing college and I was out looking for a job, I often looked back at what I learned in college and I thought that I may have wasted my time learning all those foreign languages. I couldn't get a job then because I am a Philosophy major (a difficult course to find a job in), so I wished I spent all my electives learning something useful (like accounting) thay may have increased my chances in getting a job (imagine, I completed 42 units in languages alone!). But then, my aunt convinced me to get my Civil Service Eligibility and apply for a job in government.
And in about a year, I finally got a job in government. It wasn't easy but I managed to convince people that I was the right guy for the job. So I here I am now, working in the bureaucracy for a little less than 5 years now.

In all the years that I have been working, I had resolved to find time and hone my language skills. I can now afford to think about learning a new language because I have a steady job (which is not to say that it has been an "easy" steady job). I was planning to save my money and enroll in one of those private language learning institutions when I heard of the Language Program being offered by the Foreign Service Institute (FSI) of the Department of Foreign Affairs.

The Language course being offered by FSI was a free language course open to all government employees. So I decided to take the exam, and what do you know, I passed! I enrolled in the French program (because I decided that I had more of a background there than in any of the languages I previously studied). It has been quite an exciting adventure, learning language at FSI. I met a lot of new people there and I formed friendships with some of them (specifically my classmates from the French language course). And now, after completing that course, I enrolled again. This time, in the Japanese language course (because ever since I saw my first episode of Dragonball Z undubbed, I had wanted to understand whatever it is that the characters were saying in whatever anime I would be watching). If I ever complete this course, I will try and enroll again, and this time, I'll take German (I want to learn it to complete the advice that was given to me in college).

Driving to Batangas in my father's slightly new AUV

2005-07-05T13:21:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, 03 June 2005, was the first time I drove my family to Batangas using my father's "slightly new" (read: 2nd hand) Toyota Revo LXV. Usually, my younger brother does the drving chores whenever we go to Batangas for visits because I usually drive my father's car to work. He had told me before that it was his only chance to drive, so we made this arrangement, although during our last visit (he was with us) he let me drive going back to Manila because he felt really sleepy.

It's not like I hadn't driven that AUV before. I had test driven it before it was bought, so I was quite familiar with it. Unfortunately, I hadn't driven it in long drives (if you can consider Manila-Batangas as long drive). And, perhaps more importantly, my father didn't really want me driving because I do have a tendency to fall asleep while I am at the wheel (When I was still in college, I used to drive my youngest brother to school. One time, we left really early and I was half-asleep. When we came to an intersection, we stopped and immediately after that, I closed my eyes and dozed off. He managed to wake me up just as the stoplight turned green.). But he had no choice. so he let me drive all the way.

He didn't have a problem with me driving to Batangas because it was morning and everyone was still awake. He became afraid only when we were going home since everyone usually falls asleep at that time, being tired and all. But I came prepared for this. I brought my DMB compilation cassette, loaded it up to the player, and just sang with the songs so that I won't fall asleep. And I didn't. But my father still didn't sleep (or so he says because I couldn't see him in my rearview mirror).

So we came home safe and sound. And only after that did I get my sleep, which was only about 30 minutes because I still had to meet Caroline for our usual Sunday night dinner.

Being tagged

2005-07-05T12:54:00.000+08:00

Hey, I've just been tagged. Unfortunately, Christophe, your tag ends with me and, as usual, I will break this chain (talagang k.j. ako, ano?). But like any other person, I'll give it a go.

Instructions:List down five things you enjoy doing, even when no one around you wants to go out and play.What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?Post the list on your journal and then tag 5 friends and ask them to post it on theirs.

1. Reading my books (my current favorite now is Colleen McCollough's Caesar)
2. Listening to my DMB albums
3. Watching my copy of the 2002 DMB concert in The Gorge or any of the following movies: The Transporter, 13th Warrior or my friend Andrie's copies of the extended versions of LOTR (which I borrowed a few months back)
4. Playing the X-box or my sister's GBA (I desperately want to finish Iridion II)
5. Sleeping (No matter how stressed I feel, or how anxious, or how stressed out, after I get some sleep, or even a short nap, I feel fine).

Being an armchair general in France 1944

2005-07-01T15:21:00.000+08:00

Ever since I was young, I had a fascination with military strategy games. I began by playing with plastic toy soldiers (complete with bunkers and tanks, playing mats and all that stuff). Then, I saw my first strategy board game - France 1944. It was a game made by Avalon Hill (this company is now a subsidiary. Unfortunately, I forgot the name of the new parent company.). The game is about the Allied invasion of France and the battles in France against the Germans in WW2. The game ends when the Allied player reaches specified goals before the time expires. If the Allied player does not reach any of the goals, he is defeated and the German player wins.

The game was relatively easy to learn, and very easy to play. Unfortunately, no one wanted to play with me. My brothers were either too young to understand, or found the game too boring (being hooked on Dungeons and Dragons). So I played it alone, even though it was supposed to be a two-player game.

When I began playing it, I was more interested with the German side. I loved the ratings its armor units had - which were way, way higher than those of the Allies. Their armor units were faster, stronger and can withstand more damage (in this game, a half-strength German armor division can engage a full-strength Allied armor division one-on-one and still win!). However, the Allies had the advantage of superior numbers (the lowest rating an Allied infantry corps had was 25% higher than a comparable German unit, except for the 2nd Parachute Corps, which was equal, quality-wise to an Allied corps in set-piece battles, but was weak in running battles.), having air support (light and heavy bombers) and supplies and replacements. The German side lose their replacements for their units because of the famous Battle of the Bulge where they risked everything for a quick victory. So in effect, I was drawn to playing the German side because of the real challenge to make the Germans win by being cautious and trade space for time so that I can have most of my units intact for the final defense of Germany. When I play the Allies, however, I realize that I must keep the Germans at arms length and constantly engage them to weaken their units. The less units they have, the better chance I have of winning.

Setting up the game required a preparation of almost 30 minutes because as I said, I was playing alone. Then the game, as I played it, would last for about 2-3 hours. I remember locking my room and playing it for the whole morning and afternoon, stopping only to eat and relieve myself.

I have forgotten how many times the Germans won, or how many times the Allies won because for me that was irrelevant. The most important thing for me, while I played this game was the thrill of imagining myself as a general in command of troops in an actual battle. That spurred me into buying two other strategy board games - Dark Emperor and Bull Run, which I actually played until some years ago (exactly when I started working).

Damn, I think I'm crazy because I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning

2005-07-01T09:09:00.000+08:00

Damn, I feel like I'm crazy because I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. No kidding, I feel light as a feather today. Don't ask me why I feel this way, okay, because I don't have any idea why. All I know is that I feel happy and glad... :-) I hope this lasts the whole day... :-)

Working

2005-06-27T15:13:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like you were working alone? That no one is there to help you, that no one is there to guide you? I feel like that all the time. Due to office politics, I am now left without a "super" above me. It's okay. I don't like the guy who was supposed to be above me anyway. But it's hard going it alone. Especially if you're doing work that's perhaps 2-3 times above your pay grade, just like what I'm doing now in my job. Sigh. All I have are my wits. So, I'm just surviving in work, trying to pass off my incomplete knowledge and "inspired-creative" (or SWAGs - scientific, wild-ass guesses) thoughts and comments as understanding. After 2 years in my present work, I still don't have a full understanding of what I'm doing and what I'm supposed to do. I have a fairly decent grasp of it, that's true. But to the nitty-gritty, I don't have a goddamned clue.

Well, I still have to finish my work, even if it is half-baked... Having done some work is better than not having done anything at all...

Thoughts on work

2005-06-27T12:32:00.000+08:00

Ako... Ako... Lagi na lang ako...

Memories of the arcades in Sta. Lucia

2005-06-27T12:27:00.000+08:00

When I was in studying in UP, there was only one place that I go to after class (or during long breaks) and that was Sta. Lucia East Mall at the corner of Marcos Hi-Way and Soliven Avenue in Cainta. But I didn't go there to just to watch movies or to eat. I went there to play in its arcades.

Those were the days...

I remember spending all of my saved allowance for the day so that I can play in the arcades. I also remember staying for hours inside the arcades, watching gamers strut their stuff on the big screen and trying to catch a glimpse of their techniques so that if I got the chance and played, I could use them, or just watching them finish a game so that I can read the epilogues or end stories for the characters they used. I also remember going there with my highschool classmates (who also study in UP) after ROTC to unwind and relax, and sometimes meeting them on regular days, just passing the time away...

I became an addict.

Unfortunately, I wasn't any good at most of the games. There were only a few that I manage to complete, most notably Battle Arena Toh Shin Den. I played Samurai Showdown II, and the furthest I got was maybe 2 or 3 characters before the "boss" character. And that was on 1 token! Another game that we played was Alien versus Predator. I usually use the female character in that game because she's fast and her combos are quick. Me and Alfredo, we managed to finish the game with about 20 tokens between the both of us. We did not stop playing until we finished that damned game!

The old arcades of Sta. Lucia are now gone, and the units have been moved to the "Grand Mall", but the memories of the times I spent at those arcades will remain with me forever. I still play in arcades every chance I get, but since I'm working now, I really don't have the time to go in and play.

Political opposition

2005-06-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

Me and Caroline (my girlfriend) are total opposites. And that never became more apparent than last night. We nearly had a fight because both of us are in political opposition to each other.

We've had our share of arguments on many things, but none of them compare to the arguments we have on our discussions in politics. I profess, I'm right-wing and conservative (because of my background) and she is, by her own admission, liberal. So we nearly always take opposite sides on every political issue, which makes for some very heated political arguments. However, once everything has simmered down, we do kiss and make up after.

So now, we do try to avoid political discussions as much as possible. No sense in provoking each other every time our conversations shift to politics. However, once that becomes unavoidable, we always make sure that before each of us goes to sleep, we have at the very least, kissed and made up.

My love affair with the Ericsson T68 and Sony Ericsson T68i

2005-06-22T17:36:00.000+08:00

I adore the Ericsson T68 and its successor, the Sony Ericsson T68i. It may sound stupid, but I really like the features of the T68 series.

The Ericsson T68 was my first colored cellphone. I was the first in my family to have a phone with it. Tita Debbie gave it to me three years ago, as a gift. She knew that I only used Ericsson phones (except for the first cellphone that I bought, a Siemens C25 which I gave to my mother in exchange for her Ericsson A1018), and at that point, I was using an Ericsson R320s, the first water-proof, dust-proof and shock-proof phone (also known as the "Shark" because of its triangular antenna). I remember vowing never to buy a Nokia phone (for the silly reason that everybody owned a Nokia phone. I, however, wanted to be different.) so I stuck with Ericsson.

I loved the shape of the T68, the way it was contoured. It is relatively light and fits well in my hand. I also think that the T68 was the first phone to have a 5-way joystick, which made for easier scrolling. So in love was I with this phone that I immediately looked for accessories that accompanied it. And I found them and I bought some of them. I bought the plastic carry case (revolutionary, I might add) and the radio attachment (I was envious with my brothers whose phones had in-built radios). The plastic carry case did not survive the wear and tear of use, the spring of the clip losing its "springiness. The radio attachment however, is still with me, functioning less than normal (from 3 years of wear and tear), though I lost the clip that held the earphones when they are not being used.

Then last Christmas, Tita Deb gave us money to buy the phones that we wanted. I wanted to buy a Sony Ericsson T68i. My brothers were immediately shocked with my choice because of the proliferation of new and better Sony Ericsson phones in the market, but I was adamant. I wanted to have a Sony Ericsson T68i, and that is that.

Right now, I'm using the T68i as my main phone (my other new phone, a Bird S1190 is my alternate). However, I'm still keeping my Ericsson T68 (I just had its housing replaced so that it looks brand new), though I don't use it as much nowadays. I think my phones will last for another 3 years, especially now that I just bought another battery for my T68i. Only after then will I think of replacing my T68s. Maybe with a P800i, because right now, that's what I'm looking at.

Me and my poetry

2005-06-22T17:13:00.000+08:00

When I was still in highschool, I managed to read a copy of "The Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman. Inspired by it, I started to write my own poetry. Unfortunately, I did not bother reading anything else so I never really learned anything about writing poetry.

I once showed Mariza, a former seatmate and classmate, the first poem I wrote. I remember her initial reaction to it, calling it an "essay (?)". I also remember writing a lot after that, even to the point of compiling it and naming it "Force of Habit". Sadly, I tore that compilation to shreds after I cleaned out my room a few years after. I tried "recovering" them, if not in exact words, then in spirit, but I failed. Until now, I still haven't "recovered" whatever it is that I wrote. I made another compilation "Force of Habit II" but I lost that over time. After that, I never tried compiling any of my poetry again, though I did not stop writing. Lamentably, I did not keep any of the poems I wrote, save 1. I can never forget this poem, though I really don't know why I can't forget it, save perhaps because of its "simplicity".

Crush

Not pretty, beautiful;

Not beautiful, gorgeous;

Not gorgeous, heavenly;

Not heavenly, divine.

Maroon 5's "She will be loved" as the unofficial anthem of the Philippine delegation to France (?)

2005-06-22T15:21:00.000+08:00

I don't know if my classmates remember this, but I cannot forget the times we kept singing "She Will Be Loved" during our stay in France. I thought of it as the unofficial anthem of the group when we were there since we sang it often. :-D

Today

2005-06-22T13:14:00.000+08:00

Today is an unusual day for me. I still have things to do, of course, and believe me, I know what I need to do and I know how to do it, but luckily, I don't have a deadline I need to meet, nor does my boss need anthing that I am doing now, yesterday.

This is the life...

A life less lived

2005-06-22T05:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I feel like I am not living my life to its full potential. I know that I can always become a better person, and I do have an idea on how to become a better person, but somehow, I always fail in becoming one. It's a vicious circle that I desperately want to break, or at least get out of. But it has always been the same old story - I tried and I failed.

Sometimes I think that I've not been pushing the envelope as much as I should, that I've been cautious and careless (if such a situation is possible) in living my life; I've been cautious when I shouldn't have been and careless when I should have been careful. But those thoughts ultimately lead to regret, and as I steadfastly maintain, I try to live my life without any regrets because having regrets means that prior to making a decision, you did not consider all your options and the decision that you made was not the best that you could have done.

If that is the case, then what the hell is my problem? Why do I still think that I am not living my life to the fullest? It's because of what's happening to me. I'm not looking at what might have happened to me in the past - had I chosen to do this instead of that - but rather to the future. I already have a preconceived notion of what my future should be, and right now, I am trying my darndest to achieve that future. However, with all that's been happening around me (things that are within and beyond my control), and how fast they are happening, I begin to feel that I cannot achieve it, no matter what I do. Malingat ka lang, iba na ang problema na kinakaharap mo, at kadalasan, mas malala pa kaysa dun sa unang problema mo. Sigh.

However, an idea just popped into my head as I am typing this... Nope I just lost it... (Nagkukusot kasi ako ng mata). Sorry. I just hope I can recover that idea so I can add it here. Sayang, maganda pa naman.